Out of date

So I've been terrible about posting... and I'm way behind! I hope to get caught up soon.

Right now we are in the last week before Brian deploys. The looming departure is sort of hanging over our heads, coloring everything we do and say. We are spending more time than ever just sitting close while we watch TV, and making every effort to spend as much quality time together as possible.

We had proffessional pictures taken of us last night which was really fun! I can't wait to get the proofs back early next week. I wanted to get them done so that we'd each have really good photos of each other during the separation, and before we go through any more major life transitions! The photographer was GREAT and so much fun to work with. She even got me teary during a couple of poses where I got to look him in the eyes. We topped off the evening with dinner at a restaurant which we haven't done in forever.

I'm finding it very hard to be motivated at work. While business is booming, I've developed enough routines and processes to stay pretty caught up. I've even been running out of things to do... It's so hard to sit here and have Cameron "find" things to occupy my time, or wait for him to generate paper work for me when my husband is chilling at home.

And lately.... my heart is just AT HOME. I hate my house. Yes, I hate it. It doesn't feel like a home to me. It gets disorganized SO quickly because of the lack of storage, and there are still a lot of projects we'd like to do to make it our own. It's so different when you are owners. For one thing, when you rent, your space has this blank, white, generic feeling that adapts pretty easily to whatever you put in it. When you own, it's been painted, tweaked and in our case, abused by the previous owner, and just arranging our furniture hasn't been enough to get me feeling at home. Bear with me, here comes the venting: It's not my colors, the floors are soooo hideous and stained, and there is NO WHERE to put ANYTHING!!!
So my house has been tugging at my heart lately, begging me to get a couple of paint cans, some good carpet cleaner, and make it a little more mine. I crave to be cooking up my last batch of groceries into yumminess, and start all the little sewing projects that have my creative spark ignited! I just want to be HOME, doing homey things.

Don't get me wrong, this is a great job! What great hours, income potential, and challenge for both brain and people skills. I do truly like what I do. I just feel out of balance. My home life is out of whack, and I want to fix it! But by the time I get home, I am pretty wiped, and/or focused on spending time with Brian... so all my wish list items get shoved aside another day.

Right now I am just holding on to hope that once Brian has been gone for a few weeks, and I'm moving out of the grieving process, that things will become balanced again and I will find some time for myself. And for my house.