My Current Baby Philosophy

For obvious reasons, I am head-over-heels will all things baby lately. Well, ALMOST all things baby. I've been starting registries, online "window shopping, and gathering lots of information. The more I begin to eyeball toys, decor, and clothing for this budding little one, the stronger my desires for simple and old-fashioned things become.

I DO NOT want any overly theme-y, plastic-y, or noisy stuff for this child. We will not be doing Dora, Sponge-bob, Pooh, Bob the Builder, etc. At least not until such a fascination develops all on their own. In which case, there still will be absolutely NO Spongebob, he's been blacklisted. If they fall in love with Elmo on their own, so be it! But I do not want all pastel, jungle-themed, overly "cutesy" prints, or nasty minty green. Which has made shopping for a good swing exceedingly difficult, haha!

A lot of this comes from having been raised this way myself. (God bless my parents!!!) And the rest of it comes from spending 3 of my early years in Germany where wooden toys, beautiful books, playing at the park, and kindereggs were the entertainment of choice. All sorts of creative, imaginative play were encouraged. I was dressed in simple sweaters, corduroys, jeans, and eventually hand-made dresses (when I refused to wear anything that did not have a skirt). Ah the simplicity!

I know that in America, "baby" is defined by pastel colored rattles on flannel blankets, pink elephants and blue monkeys bouncing all over the nursery, and light up toys that scream all sorts of noises. But none of this makes my heart sing. I long for more sophisticated prints, wooden toys, classic books, and quality that will last from one child to the next.

I know that before long the gifts, blankets, and toys will be arriving from loved ones. I've been struggling on how to convey my desires and aesthetics as a a mommy-t0-be to the well-meaning masses who want to share in our joy.

I absolutely love wooden toys and anything that inspires imagination and creative play. Blueberry Forest has incredible stuff for little ones.
From the adorable blocks:

To the teething toys and rattles:












To oh-so-sweet baby dolls:




When it comes to clothes, I ADORE chunky sweaters! Anything that looks "classic". Preferably no silly phrases, and a sort of "rugged" look for the boys. Bring on the corduroy, classic patterns, and sophisticated prints. Or simple, fuzzy sleepers for that matter!

These are from Gymboree.com and BabyGap. All of them make ga-ga!!!

As for the nursery, I plan to sew most of it myself. Colors and fabrics obviously can't be decided for another 5-10 weeks once we know the gender. But I'm dreaming of quilts, handmade afghans, a glider that looks like a real chair, and maybe a vintage looking rocking horse.

I am so NOT the typical, post-modern Mom-to-be. Nor do I want to be. I'm just thankful there are still alternatives out there for those of us who want to take a slightly old-fashioned approach to raising our children.

So there you have it. My baby aesthetics. We are SUPER excited about bringing this little life into the world. Just keep in mind we intend to do so a little differently than with what's typically stocked on most of your store shelves.

Puppy Potty Training

After catching up on some of my favorite blogs, I felt compelled to update mine. I really do have other things I ought to be doing. I already procrastinated by sleeping in and catching a movie with a friend... but what's just a little more time, huh?

It's more so that the thought of going to mop my dining room floor has me running for the toilet. Lets just say that potty training the new pup is still not going so hot. I went to a birthday party last night, and decided to leave the dogs free to roam the hard-surface flooring areas of the house while I was gone. They'd already been locked up all day while I was at work, and it just didn't seem fair to subject them to another several hours followed by their night-time crating. So, out they stayed, carefully gated in from the living room, so that all messes made would be easy to clean up.

Now, that "easy clean" is more of a "queasy clean". Either the baby is doing somersaults or my stomach is about to heave. While I have dried up all the little pee spots, and cleared away all the doo-d00, the unpleasant smells still remain, intensified by my "pregnancy nose". It does NOT help that it has been raining quite a bit lately, and both the dogs and I have tracked in plenty of wet dirt. So, dirt and dog hair have mixed in with the dried pee, and are smelling up my dining room, waiting for me to go get out the swiffer and the mop. I desperately want it to be done so that I may live in olfactory peace, but it seems that I only successfully make 4 or 5 sweeps with the swiffer before I am gagging and running as far away as possible. Watching the dog hair pile up in front of my swiffer, slowly getting wetter and wetter from the rain, cleaning solution, and old pee is not something I handle well at the moment.

So, the outrageously disgusting mess seems to just sit there today. Both torturing me from a distance, yet impossible to go take care of. WHY oh WHY did I think I could handle pregnancy AND a puppy!? My only hope is that tomorrow it won't be quite so offensive and that I will be able to tackle it then. It's terrible to be completely grossed out by one's floors and have NO ability to clean them!

6 weeks, 3 days...

Week 6 Development:
This week's major developments: The nose, mouth, and ears that you'll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you'd find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as yours — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, your baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil bean.


I am so amazed by all of this. The reality of baby-to-be is still hard to grasp, but just the thought of it is overwhelmingly exciting! I know without a doubt that my heart was made for loving a husband, being a mommy, and nurturing a family. I am SO thrilled that the fullness I desired for my life is finally beginning. This pregnancy feels like the joyful start of the life I've always hoped for, without always being able to put it into words.

Brian and I have big, but simple dreams for ourselves. He can't wait to get out of the Army and finish his degree in Automotive Technology. He would love to get in with a great company or eventually own his own repair shop. For myself, I see a big, old house with a great yard and a garden. Something we can decorate and restore. I see a big sewing room with all my latest projects spread out in organized chaos because I am constantly stopping to kiss scrapes and wipe noses. My new dream is to develop a small business where I sell handmade baby goods and home dec items. I want a garden full of organic goodness and flowers that bloom all year. I want a big garage for Brian where he can have all of his "toys" and a broken down beauty to work on. (Aka "his mistress")

Now before anyone begins to squash me with their opinions and "doses of reality", I have enough friends with children to know the future won't be completely rosy. Life is still life, and there is often more heartache than beauty. But I've always been a bit more of a dreamer. I tend to see the small things, and appreciate the details. So let me dream, let me love, and let me bask in the glow of possibility. It's been a long time coming.

For me, this new life inside is the marker of a completely new life beginning for both Brian and I. I am so thrilled about it! We've waited a long time to be in place where he doesn't have to leave every two weeks, or most recently for an entire year. We are way overdue to truly begin our life together! Personally, I have been through too many seasons of heartache and lost dreams. I can see now that God had my best interests and my heart in mind, but getting here has taken a lot of tears. The anticipation I am feeling now, feels like a breath of fresh air. And I am truly enjoying every moment of it!

Prenatal exams and more...

I had my first prenatal exam today. It was ok... I was excited about the appt until I found out two days ago it would be nothing but taking my vitals, getting my history, and giving me some informational material. I was all geared up for the full exam, which doesn't happen until Aug. 31. Bummer... I guess all-in-all it was ok. They can't really do much until after 10 weeks anyway.
It wasn't exactly a smooth appt though. After I got checked in, the nurse realized they had not ordered ALL the labs they were supposed to, so I had to go back for the remaining 4 vials of blood and the pee-in-the-cup glucose/protein test. Once I had finished the labs and was back at the nurse's office, she realized she didn't ask for the actual pregnancy test! So, she had to call the lab BACK and see if there was enough urine to add that on. Thankfully, they hadn't tossed it yet, and the test was done. Good grief!
10 min later they actually confirmed the pregnancy and started on my history. Everything felt kind of backwards. She had me sign consent forms for some of the blood work AFTER I had it done. Then, when SHE didn't ask, I asked if it mattered that I had a family history of twins on both sides, and in fact have twin siblings. She said, "Um... I don't know if it really matters anymore b/c of all the infertility treatments nowadays." Um.... OK, so what about the fact that I personally have NOT had any infertility treatments, (which I JUST told her) that I'm only 24, and that I have fraternal twins all up in my family tree??? Maybe she didn't care, but I do! I want to talk about my odds of one vs. two!!!
All in all, I guess it was rather frustrating. It wasn't what I was hoping for. No excitement, no "congratulations on your first baby"! Just "run-of-the-mill-here-are-your-books-you'll-be-due-late-March". Oh yeah, and b/c my miscarriage wasn't documented, it "doesn't count". I know what happened to me and to my body, and that sweet baby I didn't get to meet. Don't tell me it didn't count!!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....
Oh well. Maybe I shouldn't have had high expectations, it is the Army after all. I guess I'm just SO excited! This pregnancy and baby mean the world to me. I guess I just expected them to care more. I am still absolutely thrilled to death about this whole process. My next appointment will be a full exam, and we will get to listen for the heartbeat! AMAZING!!! Time to slow down a bit, take a deep breath, and just enjoy each and every week until baby's arrival. I can't wait for hubby to be home to help balance me out. It will be so great to share everything with him as we go.

In search of a new title for my blog, I asked hubby to submit words that described me for a "blog title generator". Here is his top pick:

Title One: hot boobs atop intellectual pointe shoes

Yeah, I think we'll keep looking!

I KNEW we'd gotten alot of snow!

This picture, if it posts correctly... shows just how much snow Fairbanks has all of a sudden "accumulated".

Sunday Laundry Shirt Dress GIVEAWAY!!!!

Heavenly heavenly little dress! I am doing my best to make it mine!

Sunday Laundry Shirt Dress GIVEAWAY!!!!

Kindnesses and Unteachable Hearts

Kindness

I was ready to take off for work one day this week when I discovered the snow plows were working on our neighborhood streets. My "discovery" came in the form of pulling up to the edge of our street and realizing there would be NO pulling out onto the road because a giant pile of snow and ice loomed directly in front of me, blocking my path.
My heart sank as the plow moved further and further out of sight down the road. Thankfully, a few seconds later, a second plow pulled up and realized my plight. He stopped and cleared me enough room to get through to the cleared side of the street so I could leave for work. I waved a very grateful thank you, and headed off. A little act of kindness can go a long way sometimes. I was so thankful for that plowman.

Unteachable hearts

Not five minutes later, I was at a stop light waiting for my green light. I watched as to either side, cars began to slow and stop, and one sedan unable to control his car on the ice, slid through the red light trying to brake with no success. My mind began to cycle through all the things he could have done to prevent this. He was probably going to fast to begin with, etc. I was just grateful that no one was already in the intersection and that no collisions had happened.
Then, to my dismay, the two cars in front of me spun their tires, and barreled off down the road at 65+mph as if NOTHING had just happened. HELLO!? Didn't you just see what I saw? The only thing I could think of is what unteachable hearts they must have. And how important it is to HAVE teachable hearts.
We need to take note from the world around us. Take cues from the danger signs that are so often right in front of us, and guard ourselves. It doesn't mean we stay home, and stay off the "ice" entirely. But it means we take precautions and we learn from what we see.
Anyway, I was just frustrated by the remarkable stupidity of not one, but two drivers who could watch someone dangerously slide through a red light, and then barrel through the same intersection at high speeds. Really, really dumb on their part. I just hope no one had to pay the consequences later.

Random Thoughts

In keeping with my blog title... here are a couple of "random musings" that have been circulating in my brain lately.

-I find it rather strange that so many streets up here are named after people, especially women. I wonder if it's because to move up here, and settle this area, you have to leave behind all that's familiar and so many loved ones. It makes me wonder who's loved one the streets are named after. Who was "Nellie", "Lola", "Greta", "Dennis", etc?

-We have sort of an unofficial competition going between those of us wives whose husbands are deployed. A "How long have YOU gone without shaving this time" competition. One contestant recently opted out because she got tired of rubbing the lotion in (we have SUPER dry air up here) amid all that hair on her legs. I followed suit today when I realized I might be going to the hot springs next week, and would have to appear in a bathing suit. I had made it 5 weeks and 3/4" this time though!

Addendum to "Struggling to be Present"

I know God is here. I am "persecuted but not abandoned". In fact, two nights ago, He gave me a wonderful verse that melted my little heart!
But really some days I'm within inches of losing my mind out here. Haha. I write my blog as a blunt, dry humor look at deployment life in Alaska and I felt like posting "Struggling to be Present" on my Facebook notes, too. The car issue is just one of many that had me struggling to find breathable air today. It's also the carpet order for my house that has now been screwed up 3 times and I finally got refunded today. My boss being out of town, so I am taking calls at home in my "off hours" from freaked out first-time home buyers all day. It's Home Depot promising they can order my fridge for $80 less than Lowe's and then deciding that they've NEVER carried or ordered Frigidaire ever! Then there were the two big trucks who nearly slid into my driver's side on my way home. Or the guy who didn't see me at the stop light AT ALL and nearly plowed straight into me. Yeah.... that one had me laughing hysterically to keep from bawling all the way home. And what's for dinner? Hmmm... how about a frozen breakfast sandwich with french fries because there is so little sense in cooking for ONE?

Yeah. I'm having a hard time. And yeah... I'm a little upset right now. But I'll get through. No God didn't abandon me. I KNOW HE is here. I cannot imagine what I would be like if I didn't have Him. Oh Lord, some heads would be flying! Haha. Instead, I calmed the freaked out home buyers down and calmly and sweetly explained the whole process. So well in fact, they decided to go through with the deal after all! I didn't yell at the Home Depot people, or the Lowe's lady, who come to find out has a husband deploying to Afghanistan next month. I was gracious, understanding and calm. We are all humans who make honest mistakes. I did not give the deserving big truck drivers the fingers... I laughed and thanked my God that I was ok. And yes... cried a couple little tears that I wiped away because nearly getting hit on the ice is scary and frustrating. AND, I will enjoy every yummy bit of my breakfast for dinner with fries. Because sometimes breakfast for dinner is good.

Sometimes I just vent. I'm going to be alright, I just need to let it out. I need people that care about me to know what's going on with me. I need you to understand how very freaking hard it is to do this. I am not looking for you to "pull me back from the edge". I just want you to be in the know about my life. Because you care, and I because I care about you. So thanks for reading... but don't freak out. I do enough of it for all of us. ;-)

Struggling to be "present"

It’s very difficult to be “present” in a day that you’re not really enthusiastic about participating in in the first place. Yesterday afternoon, one of the gals in the office was stressing the importance of being “present” in your life to another friend who is debating whether or not to take a position that would keep his family here in Alaska longer. As we talked about them staying, she encouraged him to think about the summer months to come, and to really be in each moment. The family is expecting a baby, and she pointed out all the things they could stay and savor if they weren’t trying to relocate. Be present. Show up. LIVE.
I thought about that conversation quite a bit last night. I need to be more “present” in my own life. But it is such a challenge, when you don’t really want to be present in your day sometimes. I don’t want to drive out on the ice. I don’t want deal with another car issue. I don’t want to figure things out by myself. I don’t want to be here with out Brian. Even more true: I am not fully alive without my husband to share things with.
I realize that this is a year I won’t get back again. That this is time in my life passing by, and that regardless… I should make the most of it. It’s just so much more difficult than it sounds.

Last night as I was driving home from my friend’s house, I felt the heater blowing cooler and cooler air. Adjusting the fan and temperature knobs had little effect. I turned everything down to make the warmth last as long as possible. By the time I got home, my car was blowing freezing air and I had turned off the blowers to keep it from making things any colder than they already were. I was a two blocks from home when the tears started rolling down my cheeks.
To fully understand the weight of those tears, let me back this car thing up a bit for you. When I came home from Texas on January 9th, the air outside was a balmy -60 with the wind chill. My car had been sitting outside in the snow and ice for 6 weeks. By the time we returned from the airport, it had been plugged in for 18 or so hours and should have been decently warmed over and ready to start.
However, when we attempted to start it… nothing. No sound, no clicking, no cranking. It had died. A slow, frozen death.
I attempted to make it home that night in my friend’s extra car, so that I could return the next day with a fresh battery in tow. I made it a whole 2 houses down the street before I got stuck in the snow. Ugh. When they went to fire up the other car to come pull me out, THAT battery had gone out and wouldn’t start. “Seriously!? All this just to try to get my car going?”. We finally got car #1 out of the snow, and figured out that the connection between the wires and battery on car #2 was loose. So, 2 problems solved, but my car was still frozen.
The next day, I swapped out my old battery (still under warranty) for a new one and came home with high hopes of driving home by night fall. Ok, so maybe not “nightfall” at 3:30 pm… maybe by dinner?
The new battery helped, but still wouldn’t start the car. Day 2 rolled around, and we called for more back up. Another friend’s husband showed up, and with his help the car was pushed, pulled, and heaved into the garage to thaw out properly. A few hours later, the culprit was finally found. My battery warmer had a broken cord, and the broken cord was shorting out my entire electrical system. Unplug the battery warmer and voila! Running engine. Two days after that I had a new battery warmer and a smoothly running car.

THEN… there was the noise. Something that churned through the system, or that continually rotated was making a sound, and it didn’t sound good. I thought maybe I just needed new fluids! So that Friday I went to Jiffy Lube and had them change everything out. Come to find out, my serpentine belt (apparently a very essential belt) was missing a chink and it was pure luck that I had not broken down on the side of the frozen road already.
In a panic, I called my boss and immediately phoned every mechanic in town until I found someone who could squeeze me in the next day. Working my Saturday work schedule around having my car in the shop proved to be a nightmare that almost cost me my job, but I got it done. Saturday night, much to my relief, the noise was gone and I was safely home with all repairs done. Or so I thought.

And that brings us to today… where it is -24 outside and I had to drive to work in with my fingers clenched around the icy steering wheel, praying that my breath would not cloud up the windshield because I had NO defroster. *sigh*
And yes, this is the same car that got “totaled” already when my friend backed into me in November. It’s also my ONLY safe car on the ice. Pray for my sanity. I’m about to chuck the thing into the Chena river. Haha! No seriously…. Pray for me.

My friend and 9 Things

So my beautiful friend Mandy has been blogging her 9 Things. 9 things she loves about her man, being a mommy, living in the desert, etc. Today of all days, when I am feeling very low and ultra challenged by this whole do-it-yourself-deployment, I am inspired to see if I can take the high road and find 9 things that I like (Love is a strong word for me) about living here.

1. The way the whole world, even the road as I'm driving, sparkles like diamonds when there is fresh snow
2. The Aurora Borealis was the single most stunning thing I've ever seen
3. The fall leaves are beautiful
4. I get to paint the inside of my house any color I please
5. I have a wonderful friend who makes me feel very needed and appreciated
6. Your ice cream never melts on the way home. Then again your milk does freeze on the way home... but I'm trying to think positive!
7. The rolling green hills are pretty in the summer
8. I can be anywhere in town in less than 20 minutes
9. There is a Thai place in town that makes Penang Curry to DIE for!

And 20 minutes later I have a list!

Another Fairbanks morning...

So I hit the snooze button two too many times this morning and found myself behind as usual. So much for the 6:30am wake-ups I was accomplishing right after getting home from my trip!
I headed downstairs, started my coffee, and hit the shower. When I got out, the time on the clock hit me like a ton of bricks. 8:18 already!? How!? So, it will be jeans and wet hair pulled up today.
I finish my make-up, throw on my shoes, and run out to start the car. She grumbles to life in the frigid air, and I think to myself that I feel a bit grumbly, too. I run back inside. "Ok, think Autumn! Let out the dog, pour my coffee, put the dog in the crate today because he's coming to start on the bathroom later... the bathroom! Crap!"
I run upstairs and grab sheets to cover the washer/dryer so they don't get covered with sheet rock dust. Ok, back on track. Where was I? Oh yeah... still need that coffee. I pour the coffee, zip up my coat, put on my gloves, and lock the door behind me.
The ice is still too thick on the car to go ANYWHERE, so I spend the next five minutes scraping ice off my windows. I plop into the driver’s seat with frozen ears, nose, and fingers. Hmm… something in the car is still making that burning/hot smell. Mental note to get that checked. Great… another car issue. I make it around the first three corners without sliding, hooray! It’s gonna be a decent day on the roads. And look…. The sunlight. (insert angelic choir sounds here) There on the horizon is a soft pink and yellow glow. Happiness.
Everything goes smoothly until I get to work until I realize that in my haste I forgot my purse at home. Crap again. And so began another Fairbanks morning. At least I remembered my good coffee!